Relationships
Her View
His View
Distant Lovers
<her view> by Rahiel Tesfamariam

There have been lessons in my life that I refused to accept until I learned them firsthand. Occasionally, this was rewarding as I was strengthened by the experience and matured to new heights. On the other hand, there were moments when the suffering and heartache was so tremendous that I was ignorant of any growth that may have possibly taken place within me. But each time without fail- the satisfaction of looking back on a test that I had not only survived but also passed left an inconceivable joy in my heart that I wouldn't trade in for the world. This is in many ways my outlook on relationships.
Countless times I have heard friends say, "I'm gonna do it and see what happens. If it works out, then that's great. But if not, then it wasn't meant to be." Describing what sounds like a lottery ticket purchase, they go on to explain why they have made the decision to date someone that they won't be able to see on a consistent basis. Haven fallen in love or perhaps having a deep crush on a person living in a distant place, they boldly take on a challenge that many fail. They do it for the same reason that I often chose to learn a lesson the hard way- I have to witness the outcome for myself. Similarly, those in long distance relationships fear that if they don't take that chance, then they might be passing up their future spouse. Perhaps it is like a lottery ticket purchase: the odds are definitely against you but it might be worth the risk in the end.
Sadly, most long distance relationships lack the level of commitment and dedication that is required for them to succeed. Both parties involved have to be confident that their loyalty to the other individual is one that will withstand the temptation to "see what else is out there." This is especially difficult since there may be extended lengths of time when you will be without that person and the pleasure they provide. This is why it is so important for the couple to have a long-term vision in mind. What is a couple of months or even years in comparison to the rest of your life?
One major advantage to this kind of dating is that it forces both persons to maintain good communication. Too often convenient circumstances leave the relationship void of emotional, mental, and spiritual stimulation, for the couple may be relying heavily on physical intimacy. Additionally, the experience puts the couple through tests that if passed will lay the foundation for a very solid relationship. And we shouldn't forget how technology simplifies everything. The increased use of email, Instant Messenger, and cellular phones make it very easy to "reach out and touch someone." Nonetheless, I ask you to remember that AOL and Sprint can't replace the one thing that every successful relationship has to have- true love.
What About MY Feelings
<his view> by Nico Don

Webster's Dictionary describes it as "regarding with affection; to like; to delight in... the passion between the sexes." I guess that was the best they could do with the space they had, but LOVE is much more fulfilling and detailed. Some compare it to money; they have either had it, have it or are longing for it. Which describes you? For some, all of the above. Many people have had it, but their partners didn't; others have had it and didn't realize they had it - and lost it. Then there is the more popular case; wishing that you had it so bad that you force it, which never works. Though many are suffering from one of the aforementioned conditions, there are just as many experiencing worlds of happiness from LOVE.
It has been said that women love harder than men and that women are more compassionate and emotional. Some women have gone so far as to say men aren't capable of loving. Nothing could be further from the truth. We men have been misinterpreted for years. We are just as capable of loving a woman, as a woman is loving a man. Most of us, whether man or woman, are attracted to the way a person looks or how they move or even the things they say, but a man falls in love when we see dedication from a woman. We want a woman that truly supports our goals, desires, and not one that supports that goal only after it has been achieved. We fall in love with women that comfort us when the odds are stacked against us and are there to help us fight. As a good friend of mine once said in a song, "...love should be protection from the elements, not exposure to the elements." Chew on that for a minute. A man loves a woman who is understanding and caring to his children, whether they are hers or not. We love women who are independent enough to handle tight situations in our low times, but know when to let a man be a man any other time. We love women who respect our TRUE friends, but are keen enough to recognize the ones that are not TRUE friends, and tell us to beware. We love women who enjoy looking good for us, without appearing to be advertising to other men.
Which brings me to TRUST. Probably the single most dominate trait that both men and women want their mate to have. Obviously, since this is the main goal to work for in a relationship, it is the hardest to achieve. The best way to gain and build trust is to be observant to your mate's personality. If you know that something makes your partner uncomfortable, it is your duty to put them back in their comfort zone, if you are in LOVE. The "comfort zone" is the area in your mind and heart that makes you feel like your relationship is not in jeopardy. In other words, it's when you feel completely certain that no one else can break you and your partners bond. If it sounds hard to do, that's because it is. But LOVE is what you want, this is part of how to get it. Just remember that whether you are a man or women, "LOVE is a commitment, not a convience."